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Welcome to Mau's Trap!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Motherhood: You Will Know When you Get There

I have often wonder, "how was it like to be a mother?", they say it's difficult but honestly I just have a slight idea of how difficult it is based on what I have seen in my mom. Time went by and I can say that somehow I think I have become a good daughter to my mom. I said to myself that whenever that time comes, I will be just like her? I will really take good care of my child.

December 2013, it all started out as a minor headache, exhaustion and a bit discomfort when I am moving, then comes the worst. I was cooking our breakfast then, until I almost fainted and wanted to throw up everything. I was afraid that it's hypertension but I also turned to the possibility of being pregnant, and indeed I was 5 weeks on my way.

Of course I am happy, very much delighted of the gift. However, along with it are feeling of anxiety, worry and all those unexplained symptoms that made me so sick. These things are considered taboo and are not being discussed because people have a tendency to judge you if you say that you somehow felt these negative things. However, I really believe that mom to be's need to have support people to freely discuss these thoughts inside her.

Meanwhile, by dealing and accepting all of it, I am now trying to understand what motherhood is all about; Facing all these obstacles and being strong mentally and physically. It's not easy to worry about your child; being paranoid when there's a discharge especially during the first 2 mos, morning sickness which in my case comes not easy, the demand of my work on this period, fading away of your strength and beauty, the hormonal imbalance that causes me to cry and cry until I fall asleep or uncontrollable madness or happiness on the next few hours, the things at home that I can't do which definitely making me frustrated. Pregnancy is not easy and it's not about just being happy, it's all about sacrifices, love and conquering your own sanity and self.

One thing that I've learned? this period is one of the most difficult phase. One way or another, all women who undergone this stage have felt the same way that I did but I am trying to deal with it. Thanks to our families and friends who are still keeping in touch. Of course to my husband who is always there to understand and who is always stirring my emotions up when I need it.

I am not like other women out there who have taken their pregnancy that easy and every individual has different body chemistry and emotional capacity to handle things out. However, I can say that I am doing my very best to contain myself and this is what motherhood is...the ability to control and fight not for yourself but for your little one..selflessness..